Journal

The petals are beautiful.
Bright pinks, deep blues, vibrant violets
I wish I could show them to you
but
I know I can’t.
We both know what these petals
this pain
this longing is.
Why would I burden you with this
when we know
I know
it’s terminal.

I wish to simply be near you
these final days.
Your smile brings forth the purple,
your laugh the blue,
the stars reflected in your eyes the pink
and the petals are so beautiful
I wish I could show you.
I wish —
— I wish I could tell you —
— I wish we met as kids —
— I wish I saw the look from across the room —
— I wish —
— I wish —
but it’s too late now.

I lay in the field alone
roots wrapping around my heart
my lungs
my soul
as I wait for my final breath.
I pray that these asters burst forth from my body
the beautiful blooms
the vibrant violets,
the deep blues,
the bright pinks,
and fill this field with their beauty
and my wish, unspoken.
I hope you someday see them
and smile.

They were always your favorite.

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Written for ficwip's Hanahaki for Hanami event.